Psychiatric Ward - (Audio Version Included)
by Sora-sama91
Summary: Roxas has carried guilt for too long for a death that wasn't his fault. No one knows when someone crazy will snap. Maybe there would be someone there to catch the pieces when they fell. Maybe. - Audio Recording Link Inside -May be continued if ppl comment enough.


Okay... Well I have a surprise. I recorded myself reading this story and here is the link **www.4shared./ music / ec9yfGij / Roxas _ (Question Mark)**

Just take the () from around the dots and the spaces away and you should get there...warning, I was bored when I started recording for fun and I was never going to post this story but I wanted to see how many ppl would actually go and hear the recording so I had to post the story too. I recorded a better version on my phone but this one was done from my laptop cuz I wanted to upload it. Anyways, this is Roxas as a mental case with Sora as an alter ego. I was pretty content with this story in the past but depending on feedback, I MAY JUST CONTINUE! IF I GET REVIEWS. If I continue this will be an AKUROKU fic. Axel and Roxas. and I will also read stories I've already posted if anyone wants to hear any of them like audiobooks...if I get reviews...A

ALSO IF YOU READ ANY OF** ASHREL FURY'**S STORIES, HE IS MY BEST FRIEND AND AFTER I SHOWED HIM MY RECORDING OF THIS STORY HE INSISTED I READ HIS STORIES TOO AND RECORD THEM, SO IF YOU WANT HE IS GOING TO POST LINKS ON HIS STORIES FOR DOWNLOADABLE AUDIO VERSIONS WITH MY...TERRIBLE VOICE. I'll try to put it on more open sites since you need an account for 4Shared but, for now, this is all I have...thank you.

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Psychiatric Ward.

Not exactly two words that inspire peace and tranquility in a person, are they?

Even merely saying the words can leave a bad taste in your mouth. Try it, I'm sure it'll affect you in some way; and if it doesn't, it will. Nothing that carries a part of the word 'psycho' should be easy to say for the people who've been there. Who've seen things.

My name is Roxas Strife. Or _Suicide_ as I am fondly known in the Nut House.

The reason for the nickname is pretty obvious I believe. It's the reason 'I ended up in this place after all. Psychiatric Ward. I almost spit the words out like curses every time they crossed my lips. There is no greater hell on earth other than this place and prison, and I'd much rather have gone to prison. Least there they don't care if you want to kill yourself, they just let you do it. Here they keep watching you, putting you on probation when you try anything, keeping you on medicine made especially to mess around with your mind so that you go through the day flying so high that when you hit rock bottom at night there is nothing in your tiny little white room to end your suffering with.

I sound cynical? Well, yes, that is because I am.

I've been diagnosed with Manic Depression, Depression, _Personality Disorder_, ADD, ADHD, and a whole wide range of mental diseases that plague human society today. I think that was where I went wrong, I tried to kill _myself_ instead of trying to kill someone else. I should have just gone to jail before I attempted self assassination.

"Roxas!."

My head snaps up from my pillow as my name was yelled at me through the door of my room. That's another thing about this place, if the doctors and nurses here aren't scared of you they're pissed at you. Angry as all hell for some reason that doesn't really matter to me nor any other Crazy stashed away in the Loony Bin. This one's name was Vexen Winters, and he was one of the ones who was always pissed off.

"It's not Roxas Doc, it's _S__ora_!" I yell back, smiling to myself when I hear a fist connect to the door. One of the good things about being labeled crazy is that the docs and nurses can't come in unless I'm calmed down, especially if they want me conscious. It's much too dangerous to open that door when I'm in one of my _moods. _Or so says the specialists.

Sora is a personality I made up to fit into the '_Personality Disorder_' diagnostic that the head doc in charge of this place tagged me as. Every time they want something from me, I just 'switch' to Sora and watch them try to handle the crying, temper tantrums, and the constant fear of the dark.

"I'm sorry, Sora, but the doctor needs to see you now." Vexen growled from the other side of the door, clearly finding the words 'I'm sorry' very hard to say to a Loon.

The words made me scowl for a second, but I pushed that away. I forced my eyes to widen, focusing on one spot on the door so that I can make them start to water at the effort. Whining noises escaped my throat as I fully relinquished control of my body to _Sora_. People seemed to want to be nice to me when I was him. I think that's because instead of insulting them, Sora _compliments_ and gets along with them.

I feel bad for them. But not bad enough to stop myself from playing with them like people play with chess pieces or dolls. It was the only entertaining thing in the place after all.

"But I don't _like_ Dr. Dodge." I whimpered in a pathetic voice, sounding more of like a five-year-old than my respective sixteen years. There was another punch on the other side of the door before I heard footsteps walking away.

It was one of those sounds that you really had to be listening for to hear. As soon as the tough male nurse left, I let Sora disappear and laid my head back down on the pillow. I really couldn't move any other part of my body thanks to the straight jacket so laying here was really my only option.

"Roxas?"

This time the voice was low and soft. Female. Probably Aerith, my favorite nurse.

I snorted a bit after realizing it _wa__s _her. They must has sent her in because they know she is one of the only people I can't be cruel and sarcastic to. She was actually the nicest person in this version of Hell. She was kind of a personal angel for me. She gets me out of taking medication and going to see the Doctor guy who always ends up point out how I'm so broken and I need to accept help to ever hope to be normal. _Please_, if I wanted to be normal, I would _be_ normal. It's not that hard to play pretend with the world. Like you're the star of a huge show in Broadway. But I'm not normal, and I don't _want_ to.

"Roxas, please answer me, Vexen said that you started to change into Sora. Can I come in?"

I shook my head at her kind tone of voice. She was about the only person in the Loony Bin who I didn't feel hated me. I still had an act to keep up though, so it was useless to just lay here and let her talk to herself.

"Sure, Mrs. Aerith." I said sounding as if I was smiling and to some extent I was. I would let Sora take care of her, least when I was him, it was okay to be nice. Everyone _expected _that of Sora.

"Alright then." She said as the bolt to the door was noisily unlocked. She pushed it open a second later to find me laying on the bed with the straight jacket on, just as she had left me this morning.

"Hello Roxas-"

"Sora." I cut in, wanting her to know exactly who she was talking to. Roxas wasn't nice. Roxas was sick and jaded. Sora wasn't. Sora was light and good.

"Sora." She corrected herself with a smile. "Would you like me to let you breathe a bit?"

I thought about that for a second. Usually they let me out of the straight jacket when I was Sora. The doctor had said before that they only punish the people who do bad things, and Sora had never done anything bad. I think he's hoping that Sora is the real me and Roxas is the Personality Disorder that will leave with a bit of his help. In your dreams Dr. Dodge. I am very much Roxas Strife. My brother Sora Strife died during childbirth. So no, you sick little mind-picker, Roxas will _never_ go away.

"Yes please, if you wouldn't mind Mrs. Areith." I smiled brightly at her, closing my eyes so that I couldn't see the smile she flashed back at me. Seeing her smile always hurt me for some reason. I think it's because it was the same smile that my mother used to have when she looked at me. The one that told me she blamed me for everything. The one that always ripped away my happiness with the underlined sadness that it was so hard not to cry when I looked at it.

She walked forward with no answer, no fear in her movements as she reached for the strap that kept my arms crossed together. It made a kind of 'T' across my chest, so she took care of the part that made an 'l' and then had me sit up so she could unlatch the clasp that kept my shoulder's restrained on my back.

I relaxed into the bed after she laid me down. The jacket was still on, but the release of pressure made me feel a little better. I was a bit skinny from denying food every time they brought some by, but they wouldn't let me die just like that. I had an IV filled with food and water that they stuffed into my veins every so often. Today wasn't one of those days though.

There was nothing in the room other than the bed, so she sat down on the edge of it, near my legs. She put one of her pale delicate hands on me and I winced on the inside. The urge to scream "Don't touch me!" Was so strong that I almost gave in; but I lost my nerve after I opened my eyes to look at her. Her face was caring and fond, as if I was not one of her many burdens but one of her friends or siblings.

Suddenly I felt ashamed. Ashamed that she had to see me this way. Tied up like an animal and trapped in a cage to boot. She had seen me fall apart and tare _other people_ apart too. Yet there was no fear in her face. She was just _sorry_. Sorry for who I was, for the fact that I'm here, and for the fact that I had something wrong with me. It made me feel as if I really had something wrong with me, and that thought suddenly broke me.

"There is nothing wrong with me." I whispered into the air. I threw my head back so I hit the pillow rather hard but it was soft enough so that I felt no pain at the action.

I knew she was confused by her tone. "What?"

"There is nothing wrong with me." I said again, a bit louder this time. It was the second time I said it and saying it felt so good. Like I believed it. I believed there was nothing wrong with me. I wasn't crazy.

Something was filling me up inside. An emotion that _overwhelmed_ my senses and made me a little blind and lightheaded. It was a strange bubbling and fizzling inside my chest. It almost felt like _anger _or hatred, but it wasn't quite that. I felt pathetic and worthless, and Aerith spoke again.

"Of course there isn't sweetheart-"

I stopped her from speaking when I bolted up on my bed into a sitting possession, using my newly freed arms to hold myself up.

"There is nothing wrong with me!" I yelled in her face. She didn't believe me, her tone said so. She didn't believe I'm alright, she didn't believe I wasn't crazy. She just pitied me. Pitied the fact that I was ever even born.

She must have seen something in my eyes, some form of craziness I think, because for the very first time, she looked _frightened _of me. She looked at me as she would look at a lion or beast with a craving for her blood.

Aerith got up off the bed and started backing away. Slowly and warily as she kept an eye on me. "I know there isn't Rox-" But her eyes didn't say that. Her eyes said she was scared of me. Of what I could do to her. As if I was _capable_ of hurting her. And suddenly, I wanted to.

Anger. A deep anger so…burning in my heart that I didn't know where it came from took hold of me. I pushed myself from my bed and stood on my feet, wobbling a bit because of the amount of time I'd spent on my back. "There is nothing wrong with me!" I screamed, breathing deeply between clenched teeth.

"Rox-"

"Don't call me that!" I sneered at Aerith. My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides. I wanted her to stop being scared. To stop looking at me like that. Stop being afraid of me! "I'm Sora!" She was never afraid of _Sora_. "I'M SORA!"

"S-Sora." She corrected herself. Her back was already against the door but I could still see the fear and confusion on her face. Like I wasn't human. I was something evil that would hurt her. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't let her keep that expression. It wasn't right, there was nothing _wrong_ with me. I wanted to make her understand that, make her believe that. The emotions welling up within me made me rage in anger, yelling it so loud that maybe..I would believe it too.

"THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME! I'M SORA!"

Suddenly I wanted Dr. Dodge to be _right_. Suddenly I actually wanted to be _Sora_. No one would look at me like that if I was Sora. No one would fear me if I was Sora. Sora was kind and innocent, he was small and happy and I wanted to be Sora...I wanted to be _dead_ like Sora.

I didn't notice the tears that burned tracks down my cheeks, Rowling and flowing so fast that they dripped down my chin and to the floor. All I knew was that my vision was so blurry, that it was no longer Aerith I was looking at. The pale, brunette nurse was gone, and in her place was a boy. A young boy about my age with spiky brown hair and shinning blue eyes that settled something within me. Those were my eyes too. Ocean blue.

"Roxas." The boy said. He was calm, he wasn't afraid; but suddenly I was. I was terrified.

"Sora. I'm Sora." I said chocking on my words as I tried to tell him my name wasn't Roxas. There was something stuck in my throat, but I didn't dare clear it. Something might take this boy away from me and the thought made my chest and head ache faintly.

"No." The boy started drawing my attention and keeping it. "You are Roxas. You are my twin brother _Roxas_. And I'm Sora."

My knees gave out from under me, I landed on the floor in a pile of confusion. My eyes wouldn't stray from the boy's form, but he wasn't there anymore. It was Aerith I was looking at now. Her expression so twisted in confusion and fear that I laughed a bit in the back of my throat.

"Sora." I breathed after the giggling stopped.

I had never felt like this before. My core, my emotions, myself, everything felt so unstable right then.

I was broken. I recognized and admitted that for a second; but it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault Sora died. It wasn't Mama. I wasn't the one who did it. I didn't kill him.

"Roxas?" Aerith asked after she herself had calmed down.

I don't know how much time had passed us by with me crumpled up on the ground. My gaze had dropped to the floor and Aerith wasn't in my line of sight anymore, but her voice was echoing in my mind. She was calling my name but I didn't want to answer. I just wanted to stay here, numb from everything, for however long this amazing feeling lasted.

"I'm sorry Mama. It wasn't my fault Mama." I whispered to whoever would listen. "I didn't kill him. It wasn't my fault, I didn't kill Sora."

And even as I repeated that to myself, I wasn't sure if I would ever truly believe it. Because I lived. And Sora didn't. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry...please don't look at me like that mama please, I'm sorry."

I wanted to take his place. I wanted to take Sora's place, he deserved to be here more than I did. I didn't deserve to live, I was broken, what use was I to the world?

"Roxas?"

No no no, leave me alone. Leave me like this, in this bliss with this numbness and surrounded by him. Leave me in this place where nothing will ever hurt and no one will ever stare and no one will ever talk and I can just be. Just me and Sora.

"_You can't do that you know__."_ It's not Areith's voice I heard, instead it was his. Sora's. _"I don't think you really want to stay in here. Think of how much fun you'd have in the outside world._"

I laughed, honest and pure because that was such a _Sora_ thing to say.

"Fun? Without you, who're you kidding? I belong right here, locked in my own mind unable to feel the eyes of the people who wanted you instead of me." I spoke back out loud. I don't know what Aerith thinks of the situation, but she has stopped trying to talk to me. Instead she sits a little ways away from me Indian style just watching me. Waiting for me to be okay. But that was just it, I was _Never_ going to be okay.

"_Don't talk like that Rox. You're life's just beginning."_ I snort at Sora's words. What a joke. My life isn't beginning at all. Just like his, my life never had the chance to even start, I've always been dead inside. I killed my own twin brother, selfishly monopolized our mother. Between the looks I get from other people and the way my own mother looks at me, how could anything ever begin?

"_You'll see. Someone's going to come for you. Someone who won't know me. You will not be known as Sora's twin brother. You will just be Roxas."_

"I don't want to be Roxas!" I growl back at my dead brother's voice. I belonged in this place, I really did. I don't think sane people have ever seen or heard dead people. Especially given the fact that the person who died did never had the chance to have even been born

It was true though. I didn't want to be Roxas. Ever since I was a child all my mother and anyone else could talk about and mourn about the child who will never get the chance to live. I heard the name Sora so much I thought it was my name, until at age 4 I realized no one was actually calling for me when they said 'Sora'.

I heard the story about how he died when I was 8. I had taken more nutrients from my mother and left nothing for little Sora, and he was too weak to survive birth. I think it was around that time that I began imagining this little brown hair boy with bright blue eyes and the widest, kindest smile. I created Sora that day and ever since he's grown up with me. Living inside me. That's how this whole insanity thing started.

I gave Sora a way to live on and experience the life everyone was so sad he didn't get to see. He was doing it from inside of me.

Mom hadn't been to happy when I'd foolishly told her all this. She'd slapped me across the face and said I was disgracing my twin brother's memory. But really, I think she was.

I'd read books on twins. How their connected and bound and when one feels pain so does the other sort of shit that no one ever believes in. Thing is, I did believe it. So badly that I started to become Sora.

"What's to say that someone isn't for you Sor?" I asked with a small smirk. I was talking to air. I knew that. But it was making me calm down. I needed to calm down.

"_Because he will treat you as you."_ I didn't understand that and I was about to voice it when the door to my room was busted open. Aerith actually jumped into the air at the sound but I remained where I was, going back into my stoic shell. I wasn't in a mood to pretend, or to do much of anything at all.

"Get up. The doctor wants to see you." This nurse was calmer than Vexen, but looked extremely bored. I remember him too, I've only met him a few times because he deals with the more manageable mental disorders. Zexion was his name.

"I don't want to see the doctor." I replied just as boredly as he'd said his words. This got me a raised eye brow but nothing else.

"It's okay Zexion." Aerith said from across the room, getting up and dusting herself off. "He's okay."

I heard her voice say those words and under it, I heard Sora. "You'll be okay…"

I don't know if I believe in that, I don't even know if I want to believe in it, but I remember what Sora had said.

Someone will come for me. Someone will see me. Repeating those words to myself I felt something begin to clear. Some unknown part of my heart began to lighten. I realized what that meant…Someone was going to see me. Someone was going to love _me_. And I…I felt…_NORMAL_. For the first time I felt…normal…


End file.
